


The Scars on Our Hearts

by WritingStag



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 10 points and a cookie if you tell me the reference, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff, i bent the rules a little to make this work better, its really dark at the start, or i'll write you a ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 14:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9076618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingStag/pseuds/WritingStag
Summary: Kara was losing hope, hope that she’d ever get out of her in one piece, losing hope in Alex and the DEO, losing hope in humanity. Kara let her eyes close and focused on her breathing. She didn’t want to but sleep was calling to her like a siren.~Kara is caught and tortured by CADMUS for information, pushing the limits of her endurance.  She is bent and broken, beaten.  Will she rise from the ashes like a phoenix or will she give up?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this and rewrote this so many times and im not entirely sure how I still feel about it but eh. Slight canon divergence . You can find me on tumblr at Coffeeskater, come chat with me!

Kara sagged against the bars of her cage, each breath rasping in and out, each more painful than the last. Blood dribbled down her chin and her hands shook. “Let’s hope you’re more cooperative tomorrow hmm?” Dr. Desmond said, sounding both smug and disappointed. His footsteps echoed as he retreated and Kara let her chin hit her chest. Tears trickled out the corners of her eyes, she’d been so strong, refusing to let herself cry but it had been three days. Three days of torture. Blood crusted the t-shirt she’d all but been forced into. They’d taken her suit almost immediately, leaving her with a simple cotton t-shirt and a pair of shorts that came way too far up her thigh, leaving Kara feeling exposed (she didn’t miss the perverted looks and gestures the males in the facility kept throwing her.) blood had collected and crusted the shirt collar and bruises mottled her skin, her arms, her legs, her chest, nowhere was safe.

Kara weakly reached up and wiped the blood off her chin and swallowed a moan of pain as she pressed her thumb against her lip to stop the bleeding. Her chest ached from the heavy blows she’d received and guessing from the pain radiating from her left side, her ribs were bruised at the very least.

Blowing out her powers had been the worst mistake of her life. A dark part of her whispered insidiously that she should have let them kill Mon-El, save herself. But she hadn’t, she’d used her heat vision until she was an empty battery, as good as human. They’d taken Mon-El away and Kara didn’t know if he was still alive or not, she’d heard nothing from or about him.

They’d been using kryptonite to keep her human ever since then, pushing her and torturing her, trying their best to get information out of her, anything, where the DEO was, Kal-El’s name, how to disperse something called Medusa. Kara hadn’t cracked yet. They’d done everything in their power, cut her with blades made of kryptonite, the pain unique and searing, marring her skin to the point where the scars were likely to last forever. They’d strung her up like a piñata and beat her, hitting her with everything they had, a man who looked like he could bench press a truck took his fists to her, hitting her everywhere he could reach, they’d sunk thin slivers of Kryptonite into her chest, inching them towards her heart making her scream and cry out in agony. They always stopped before the pain became too much and she passed out, no she was never afforded that luxury, they gave her a shot of adrenaline and then they’d keep going.

Kara was losing hope, hope that she’d ever get out of her in one piece, losing hope in Alex and the DEO, losing hope in humanity. Kara let her eyes close and focused on her breathing. She didn’t want to but sleep was calling to her like a siren.

~

The next morning Kara was rudely awaken by a bucket of freezing cold water being tossed on her. She gasped, her chest stuttering and trying to acclimate to the suddenly freezing temperature. “Good morning Princess.” A man said, looking far too pleased with himself. He unlocked her cage and lumbered towards her. Kara was helpless to stop him as he grabbed her by the hair and started dragging her down the hall. She kicked weakly, trying to gain her feet but it was useless. He took a turn down a hallway Kara didn’t recognize and shouldered a door open. Inside was a lab table and nothing else, thick leather straps welded to the cold stainless steel. Kara began to panic, she was well and truly afraid now and a whimper escaped her lips. The man dragging her laughed at the pitiful sound and effortlessly lifted her and slammed her onto the table. Two more men came from the shadows and held her down as she feebly squirmed as the first strapped her down. Once her arms and legs were secure, the two men let go and the final belts were done up, her head and waist.

No sooner had they finished their work than Kara heard the familiar thump of boots, sending her heart into a frenzy.

“Hello again dear.” Dr. Desmond said with a smile, making Kara’s stomach churn. “I’ll give you one chance and only one. Where is the DEO and what do they know?”

Kara met his eyes and with strength she didn’t know she had, spat in his face. “I’ll tell you nothing.”

Desmond seemed unfazed, only reaching out one hand and one of his goons placed a towel in it. After he’d wiped his face off he turned around and Kara could no longer see him, her view limited but the leather strap holding her head in place. There was the click of a briefcase being opened and when Desmond reappeared she had a syringe in her hand. “I gave you a chance, now I’m going to have to hurt you I’m afraid.” His eyes didn’t match his words, they shone with pure glee and Kara knew he would delight in hurting her. “Do you know what this is?” he asked, flicking the syringe and smiling. Kara’s eyes widening was a good enough answer for him. “You see, Kryptonite isn’t easy to turn into a liquid, its crystalline form makes it difficult to melt without exploding. But for you, the effort was worth it.

Without hesitation Desmond injected the needle into her neck and pressed the plunger. The effects were immediate. Kara screamed and thrashed as hard as she could. Her veins burned like an uncontrolled wild fire, her skin began to blister. As the Kryptonite spread through her blood stream Kara could only scream in absolute agony, noises so animalistic and primal ripped themselves from her throat. Tears streamed down her face. Her chest heaved and her heart struggled to pump, the toxin so strong it threatened to shut down her vital systems. Desmond stood back and watched her scream and writhe in sheer agony, a smile on his face the whole time.

It was only after two more vials did they throw her back in her cage, leaving her a whimpering and trembling mess on the cold concrete. Her neck was covered in burns and blisters as was her chest. Her veins still glowed a sickly green but it was slowly fading, her blood draining out slowly from a gash in her abdomen. The wound pulsed with each heart beat and each breath, blood oozing out at a painfully slow pace. The blood pooled around her and sparkled as if her blood was infused with green glitter. Kara held herself and cried, her cheek pressed against the floor. Desmond’s voice echoed in her head. ‘Still not talking hmm? That’s alright, we’ll try this again tomorrow.’ Kara knew she couldn’t go through that again, if they tried again she would break, she would tell them everything. She’d tried being strong but her body was giving out and she didn’t have any hope left. She lay on the cold floor of her cage, weak and broken, crying and whimpering for someone to come save her.

~

Kara didn’t know she’d drifted into an uneasy sleep until she was woken from it by the slamming of doors and boots clomping, Calls rang out and a few gunshots reverberated in the halls. Kara couldn’t bring herself to move, could barely bring herself to pry her eyes open. She jumped, startled and instantly afraid when her cage banged open, hurried footsteps and Kara found herself being gathered, gently, oh so gently it felt foreign. Her head lolling and coming to a rest against the chest of whoever it was holding her, motivation enough for Kara to blearily pry her eyes open. Slowly, they swam into focus and Kara almost burst into tears all over again. “Alex…Alex, you’re here... Alex I hurt so bad… Alex...” Alex was crying, tears running freely down her cheeks as she looked over Kara’s broken and bruised body. There wasn’t a single inch of unmarred skin on her and it made Alex both anguished and filled with rage, a hatred burning so hot and so deep she swore to kill whoever had tortured her little sister to near insanity. Kara cried and clung to Alex, muttering gibberish as she lifted her and began to carry her out, her hold protective and fierce. The DEO agents could handle the rest, Alex was getting Kara home.

The trip to the DEO passed by in a blur, Kara no longer crying but still whimpering as Alex stroked her face and promised everything would be okay (between yelling at the driver to go faster damn it, run all the red light I don’t give a fuck!) Kara clung to Alex still as she carried her to the medical wing and settled her on a bed, pressing a button that frosted the glass and made it impossible to see through and giving them some privacy. Alex unpeeled the blood-soaked shirt off Kara, fighting down the urge to scream or storm out and get the biggest gun she could find and turn whoever had done this to her sister into red mist. Alex managed to get Kara in her underwear and slowly, tenderly began to wash all the dried and crusted blood. Kara shook like a leaf the entire time, her death grip on Alex never wavering.

With Kara reasonably Clean Alex helped dress her into a pair of sweats and a soft cotton shirt. Alex felt her strong facade crumbling when Kara flinched and choked out a sob when she lifted the IV. Kissing her little sisters face and whispering soothing words in her ear Alex gently hooked the IV up and began dialysis, praying to god that between flushing her system of the Kryptonite and the yellow sun bed Kara would be okay.

~

It took over a month for Kara to look and feel somewhat like herself again. It took two weeks at the DEO and constant medical attention. It was clear that whatever CADMUS had done to her, it had broken Kara almost completely. Almost.

With someone constantly by her side (be it Alex or James or Winn) she slowly began to recover from the psychological wounds. Alex was so proud of her sister’s resilience. Within the first week of her rescue Kara was sitting up in bed, talking, telling Alex and J’onn of what they’d done, why they’d tortured her. Within two weeks Kara was beginning to walk again, taking short laps around the DEO, usually with Winn or James on her arm to support her and help keep her spirits up. Within the three weeks Kara was starting to look healthier, the color finally returning to her skin and even smiling on occasion, even asking for Pizza and pot stickers (the first time she’d asked Alex to cuddle in bed with pot stickers and a movie on a laptop for sister night Alex had had to excuse herself to the bathroom so she could finally cry, so painfully relieved and knowing that Kara would be okay.)

After a month Kara wanted to go home. Alex finally caved and let her, but only under the circumstances that she’d call if she wanted to leave and that she would call at least twice a day to check in. (Kara was glad that everyone was treating her so well, caring for her and Alex had barely left her side but Kara needed some alone time, time to process.) Agreeing to Alex’s conditions Alex drove her home and as soon as Alex had hugged her goodbye and told her she loved her did Kara let herself slump on the couch.

  
Looking around her apartment felt strange. She recognized everything, the photo of her and Alex as kids, the pillow she’d had to sew back together when she’d accidentally ripped it in half in her excitement. Her favourite mug, still sitting on her coffee table with the dregs of long cold tea. And yet it felt alien, like she didn’t belong her, like this was no longer her home. Kara closed her eyes with a sigh and let her head drop back against the back of the couch. It was becoming more and more obvious to her that she couldn’t run from this forever, she would have to face her feelings, her trauma at some point.

But today was not that day. Despite the kryptonite being flushed from her system she was taking much longer to heal, her bruises still as purple as the day she’d gotten them, the cuts still visible, the ones on her lip still splitting open whenever her lips got too chapped. Her powers were returning even slower than she was healing. But that was a worry for another day. Exhausted from the ride over and still needing to nap every now and then to get through the day, Kara settled down and pulled her favourite blanket over herself and fell asleep on her couch.

~

Kara was awoken the next morning by a knock on her door, at first Kara thought she’d imagined it but when the knock came again she untangled herself from the blankets and slowly made her way to the door. Kara yawned as she opened the door, squeezing her eyes shut from the force of it. The sharp gasp had her eyes flying wide open to see Lena’s stricken face. “Lena?” Kara asked, not entirely certain why she was here or how she’d gotten her address. She didn’t remember giving it to her.

“Kara?” there was something in Lena’s voice that Kara couldn’t decipher.

“Lena? What are you doing here?”

Lena didn’t answer immediately, her eyes flicking all over, taking in the still healing cuts, the bruises and the bags under her eyes. “I came… you…” Lena struggled for a moment before closing her eyes and taking a breath. “I hadn’t heard from you in a month and I got worried… I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come... I...” She trailed off as she zeroed in on the cut on Kara’s lip and almost as if she were in a trance her hand came up and gently, almost so gently Kara might have though she was imagining it if she wasn’t able to see, Lena cupped her chin as her thumb slid carefully over her lip. She ghosted over the healing tissue, feeling the hardness that came just before a scar, “What happened to you?”

Kara let out a shuddery breath and as if she had burned her, Lena tore her hand away, green eyes flicking up to meet blue. “Kara, what happened to you?” she asked breathlessly. And suddenly, with the question out in the open, the words hanging between them, Kara sagged under the thought of explaining, of talking about what had happened, about the pain and the fear. Without her permission tears began to well in her eyes and Kara almost swore she could hear Lena’s heartbeat pick up.

“I…” Kara hadn’t felt the need to cry in a while, she had thought she had it under control, had started to move on, but the way Lena was looking at her, like someone she loved had been hurt, like it physically hurt to see her like this, looking at her with so much love and pain in her eyes and concern, it was too much. Kara whimpered and wrapped her arms around herself in a feeble attempt to sooth herself. Lena stuttered, as if unsure of what to do, but her uncertainty didn’t last long, gently, almost tenderly Lena put her hand on Kara’s shoulder and guided her backwards the few small steps it took for her to enter the apartment and close the door behind her. Kara felt Lena moving her backwards, slowly guiding them to the couch then carefully being guided down to sit. Tears slid down her cheeks and she could feel the sobs rise in the back of her throat. And tenderly (and a little stiffly as if she were unsure) Lena guided her head to her chest, cradled her in her arms and it was all too much. Kara broke down, sobbing and clinging to Lena, crying out and shaking harder than a leaf in a wind storm.

It scared Lena to see her like this, Kara though shy always carried herself in a way that betrayed her true strength. She always had a cheery demeanor and it took strength to be so open and trusting all the time. Lena had no idea what had happened or who had done it but she knew if she ever found out there would be consequences. Lena carded her fingers through blonde hair and found herself humming a soothing lullaby holding Kara tightly to herself as if to shield her from the world.

Kara cried herself out after an hour, her sobs quieting to silent tears and finally just sniffles before stopping all together. Her breathing evened out but Lena let her stay curled up in her lap (when she had gotten there Lena wasn’t sure.) Slowly Kara lifted herself up, rubbing roughly at both her eyes, normally so bright and happy, now red rimmed and swollen.

“I’m sorry I-I didn’t mean to just-“

“It’s fine” Lena cut in with a genuine smile. “I don’t know what happened,” Kara opened her mouth as if to speak but Lena gently shushed her with a finger to her lips “And I’m not asking, you can tell me if or when you’re ready, but until then how about I order a pizza and some pot stickers?” Kara instantly perked up at the mention of food, some happiness trickling back into her eyes and Lena had to hold back a laugh.

“Pot stickers? I haven’t had good food in like, forever.” And just like that things felt normal for a while again. Lena ordered two large Pizza’s and pot stickers. Kara convinced her to watch a rom com with her and immediately snuggled into Lena on the couch, only pausing to check if that was okay (it was more than okay, Lena couldn’t remember the last time someone had been this close to her, wanted to be affectionate with her.) They spent the day on the couch, alternating between watching silly rom coms and tv show Lena had picked out that she was sure she would like called Once Upon a Time. (Kara loved it, enough that she decided not to question why Lena knew about the show, she didn’t seem the type)

Eventually though towards 8 o’clock Kara fell asleep, her head in Lena’s lap and a stuffed puppy clutched to her chest. (her whole face had turned bright red when Lena pulled it out from under the coffee table and Kara had mumbled it was soft and she liked holding something against her chest when she slept and Lena had simply smiled and pressed it to the blonde’s chest and turned her attention back to the screen as her hands slid effortlessly through blonde hair, scratching her scalp and gradually Kara had relaxed once more, snuggling her puppy and unknown to Lena smiling so hard her lip nearly cracked open once more. )

With the blonde asleep in her lap Lena wasn’t sure what to do. Moving wasn’t an option (it was the same as moving when a small puppy or kitten fell asleep on you and even Lena knew the rule, don’t move) Kara was already mostly in her lap and Lena knew she couldn’t spend the night on the couch like this; it would be hell on both their necks in the morning. So Lena did the only thing she could, gently she slid her arms under the sleeping woman and lifted her (she was both warmer and lighter than Lena expected) and carried her to bed. Kara’s bed was a mess of rumpled sheets and blankets so it was easy to get her into bed and pull the covers over her. With the blonde tucked in Lena wasn’t sure what to do next. Should she leave? Write a note? She’d never had a friend this close before (she never had any friends) and she didn’t know what the appropriate action was.

Her decision was made for her when Kara sleepily reached out and grabbed her wrist, making Lena jump about a foot in the air. Kara was almost unbearably cute, her blue eyes blinking back sleep and her free arm still holding the puppy against her chest. “Stay. Please.” Lena couldn’t say no. So she changed into a pair of sweats and a loose shirt from the rack Kara sleepily pointed at and slid in tentatively behind Kara who wasted no time in wiggling back until their hips pressed together and pulled Lena’s arm around her own waist, sighing contentedly. It was the most intimate Lena had been (she’d had sex of course but that was just sex, there was nothing intimate about it.)

Kara drifted back to sleep rather quickly, her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Lena did not, her mind swirling with too many thoughts. She didn’t understand why Kara had let her stay the whole day, wasn’t sure why she’d chosen to stay. They were close but not this close. Maybe Kara just needed someone, maybe she just needed someone there so she wasn’t overwhelmed by whatever it was that had happened to her. Either way, no matter why Kara had chosen her, no matter the why they were acting like they’d been best friends for years not just a couple of months, Lena resolved to not let her down. Kara needed her and if Lena was honest with herself she needed someone just as badly. Satisfied with herself and the conclusion she’d come to Lena fell asleep slowly to the sounds of Kara’s slow and steady breathing and the white noise from National City drifting in from the open window.

~

Lena’s peaceful slumber was shattered when she jolted awake, disturbed by Kara’s wild and erratic breathing and her thrashing. Her face was pained even in sleep, tossing and turning as if she was trying to squirm away from an invisible horror. She gasped and keened as tears slid down her face and Lena knew she had to wake her, she couldn’t watch Kara suffer.

“Kara wake up, it’s just a nightmare, wake up.” Lena shook Kara’s shoulder, hoping that she wasn’t being too callous in shaking her awake. “Kara, sweetie, wake up.” She had no idea where calling Kara sweetie had come from, it just felt like the right thing to say. Kara woke so suddenly then, lurching upright in bed so fast Lena didn’t have time to pull her head away as Kara’s forehead slammed into her mouth and nose. She ignored the stinging in favor of carefully reaching out and laying her hand on Kara’s shoulder. She jumped, wide blue eyes whipped around to stare at her, Lena felt her heart constrict at the pain she saw, chased away as recognition bloomed.

“Lena?” Kara sounded so small, so vulnerable Lena’s heart twisted in her chest again. But her heart also swelled at the hint of relief there was in her voice, like Kara thought her presence was comforting.

“It’s me, you’re okay now. You’re safe, I won’t let anyone hurt you.” Lena didn’t know where the words were coming from or why she couldn’t seem to control her mouth, but it felt right and so she didn’t stop herself, letting herself go and say whatever felt right. Kara practically tackled her in a hug so tight Lena couldn’t breathe. She had to bite her lip when she felt Kara’s tears soaking her shirt. She held her back just as tightly as Kara sobbed and babbled, the words impossible to make out. Kara trembled and Lena didn’t know what to do. She’d never been comforted and so had never learned how to sooth other people. The hugging seemed to work in most circumstances but Lena wasn’t sure if it would be enough this time.

Eventually Kara stopped crying and sat up, taking slow even breaths and rubbing at her face. “I’m sorry.” She said and Lena simply shook her head, unsure of how to summon the words to say it was her pleasure, she was glad to be there for her friend, her only friend, unsure how to apologize for not being better, doing more. Kara rubbed at her eyes again and sighed. “I feel like I need a shower”

Lena couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. “It’s three am and you want to shower?” Kara paused to glance at the clock and when she looked back at Lena she frowned. “You’re bleeding.” Raising her hand to her nose she prodded at the tender flesh and winced. While caring for Kara Lena had completely forgotten the pain in her nose.

“It’s nothing.” She said quickly, unwilling to let Kara’s face fall when she realized it was her fault.

“Doesn’t look like nothing, let me clean it up.” Lena nodded mutely. Kara slid off her bed and padded into the bathroom, grunting when she flicked the light on, making Lena smile. When Kara came back with a damp wash cloth she began to dab the blood away, careful not to bump Lena’s nose. Despite the circumstances Lena couldn’t deny she loved the closeness, the sudden pull she felt for Kara and she hoped Kara felt the same pull. (She did, how could she not?) Maybe it had to do with Kara’s warm and gentle hands, shaking ever so slightly and her gentle blue eyes, going slightly cross eyed as she focused on the task at hand. Maybe it had to do with Lena’s lonely childhood or maybe it had to do with the fact that it was Kara and she was the most genuinely loving person Lena had ever met.

With Lena’s face cleaned up Kara retreated to the bathroom to shower, 3 am or not. And despite her best effort, Lena fell asleep while waiting.

The morning after Lena had stayed over, she woke early, around 6 am and redressed in her clothes from the night before. She decided it would be best for Kara to sleep, let her rest. Lena wrote a quick note explaining she had to go but Kara was free to drop by the office or text her any time. Before she left Lena paused at the door and smiled fondly at the still sleeping blonde. It wasn’t until she was in her car and being driven to her apartment for a change of clothes how domestic the whole morning had felt, and how much she liked it.

~

Kara felt more herself than she had in a very long time, waking up in her own bed, her eyes fluttering open of their own accord, not because someone had dumped cold water all over her or some alarm going off at the DEO. It was peaceful. Sitting up in bed, the sheets pooled in her lap and it took Kara a few seconds to realize why the bed felt so empty. When she realized Lena wasn’t in bed, or anywhere in the apartment after being met with only silence when she called out, she noticed the note with her name written in elegant cursive, sitting on her bed side table next to her alarm clock.

_Kara,_

_I let you sleep in, you seemed to need it. I have a full day today and I had to go, I’m sorry I didn’t stay but I prepared coffee for you, you just have to press the start button. I sincerely hope you feel better and you’re welcome to call or text anytime, or drop by if you’d rather speak face to face. Feel better soon._

_Lena_

Kara stared at the note, her stomach doing flips. She couldn’t figure out why Lena not being here bothered her so much and why the note seemed to warm her heart. Not having the energy to unpack and deal with the emotions she was feeling Kara simply got out of bed and carefully tucked the note into the night table drawer before going to make coffee. (She’d been doing that a lot lately, ignoring anything she felt that was new or foreign or more complicated than figuring out if she wanted pizza. She knew she was going to have to sort through it all at some point, it was the only way to get better but still, her wounds still felt fresh and Kara wasn’t as strong as she’d have everyone else believe.)

As Kara went through the motions of preparing breakfast she couldn’t stop her thoughts from straying to Lena, her smile, the way she’d held her last night, spooning in bed… Kara dropped her spoon, letting it clatter to the floor, her realization much more important. The apartment felt empty, she felt empty without Lena because she liked her. Thinking back to her time in CADMUS, she remembered how Lena had been in her thoughts so many times without realizing it. Thinking of her soothing voice had eased her to sleep on the nights when her head felt like it might explode, the green of her eyes, not quite the same color as kryptonite. Without realizing, Lena and Alex, the thought of them both is what had gotten her through the entire experience. Kara sat heavily, her back pressed against the fridge as she slid to the floor. She liked Lena, a lot. She liked her and Lena had soothed her in a way Alex never could no matter how hard she tired. And maybe now wasn’t the best time, not with having just escaped CADMUS, the wounds Dr. Desmond and his organization had inflicted, both the physical and emotional too fresh.

Kara groaned and let her head fall onto her knees. Her life was such a mess

~

Kara didn’t go see Lena for a week. She had too much to sort out and too many emotions to unpack and deal with one at a time. First were her feelings for Lena. Kara didn’t know why she was so drawn to her, why Lena was her port in a storm, when for so long Alex had been her port. Kara mused it was funny, how Lena had wiggled her way into Kara’s heart between lunch dates, interviews and even game/movie nights. It’s not that Kara hadn’t noticed Lena, hadn’t felt her gravity, it was simply that it had been so subtle, one small thing here and another and it was suddenly hitting her all at once, every interaction a drop in the bucket and now a very full bucket of icy water was being dumped on her all at once.

Beyond that how could she tell Lena how she felt but also want to hold off on a relationship (or did she? The night Lena stayed over had been the safest and best Kara had felt in ages and looking back it was exactly what couples did.) How could she explain what she’d been though without telling her she was Supergirl? Kara had a niggling feeling in the back of her mind that Lena already knew, she was too smart not to but Kara wasn’t sure either way. Being around Lena even as friends was becoming complicated and Kara hated it, hated having to think about her every move, her feelings and what to do in in each scenario. Kara had always followed her heart, something Alex was always warning against but Kara couldn’t help it.

Finally Kara settled on the telling Lena. All of it. That she was Supergirl, what CADMUS had done to her and how she felt about it, maybe talking about it would lessen its hold on her, maybe finally talking about it would somehow free here from their icy grasp. If she made it real on her own terms, confronted it and was honest about the damage they’d done, maybe she could finally begin to heal properly instead of simply shoving it all aside and taking things one small task at a time just to get through the days, constantly worrying about flash backs and nightmares.

Alex was always saying she wanted the best for Kara and right now Kara’s heart was a compass with the needle pointing straight at Lena. Maybe it was because Lena seemed to come from darkness, working from under her family’s shadow. Because from what little she spoke of her childhood Kara knew it wasn’t a happy one. Lena had come from darkness, she knew pain and suffering that left scars on the heart and not the skin and maybe Kara just wanted someone who could relate a little more. And while Lena may have come from darkness she was the light, a bright and golden torch that Kara was drawn to like a moth to a flame.

With her mind made up to go see Lena and bring her lunch the next day Kara let herself relax back into her bed, surrounded by pillows and the fluffy blankets and large comforter, swallowing her whole in a sea of cotton. She drifted off and for the first time since she was rescued from CADMUS she had a dreamless sleep.

~

Kara fidgeted nervously, adjusting her glasses and playing with the buttons at her wrists. She’d worn a button up shirt, it was easiest to reveal her suit underneath. Memories of showing Lucy floated slowly through her mind’s eye and she winced. She hoped telling Lena went better but Kara was braced for the worst. The Elevator dinged and Kara stepped off, visibly nervous to be approaching Lena’s office, nervous in a way she’d never been, not since the first day with Clarke. Jess didn’t even spare a her a glance as she passed by and Kara took it as a sign that Lena wasn’t too busy, usually Jess was all over her, free pass given by Lena or not. She hesitated at the door, it was her moment of truth, if she walked in she couldn’t hide from CADMUS or her feelings, couldn’t hide away anymore and begin to fully heal, not just physically.

Kara took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

Lena was at her desk, glancing between a number of pages and her computer, a look of intense concentration on her face. She didn’t even glance up when Kara entered and so she cleared her throat, the simple noise itself sounding insecure. That caught Lena’s attention and she looked up, a smile spreading across her face when Lena realized who it was. She quickly stood up and Kara smiled nervously, taking another few steps into her office. “Hi” Kara said, not quite able to meet Lena’s eyes, her stomach doing flips and her nerves felt like they were on fire, her whole body tense. “Can you close the blinds?” Kara blurted, her eyes widening slightly at how panicked she’d sounded, even to her own ears. It was stupid to ask Lena to close the blinds, they were so high up it wasn’t like anyone could see in the windows anyways.

The smile slipped off Lena’s face and instead she looked concerned, she paused halfway through rounding her desk to come greet Kara, unsure how to feel. Kara was obviously nervous, twisting her fingers around themselves and not meeting her eye. “Are you alright Kara?” Lena asked gently, the image of Kara, covered in bruises, bags under her eyes and her freshly cut lip still haunting her.

“Uhm, yes? Maybe? I don’t know, please, I need you to close the blinds I…” Kara trailed off and Lena waited a few seconds for her to continue but she didn’t, so Lena went back to her desk and pressed a button, mechanical shades sliding across the balcony windows and tossing the room into shadows. Kara looked so much smaller in the dark, and Lena had to fight the urge to go to her, to touch her shoulder and see those blue eyes. The instinct to do so was new and Lena wasn’t entirely certain where it’d come from.

Kara took a deep breath as she searched for the words. “There’s… I want to….” She sighed and rubbed her eyes roughly. “I want to tell you something, well a lot of things really but it’s all…. Connected and I can’t tell you one thing without telling you the other and I’m….” Kara had to pause, to breathe. “I want to tell you everything which is scary and I’m… I’m scared.” The last part came out as more of a whisper than anything else but still Lena caught the words, her whole being focused on Kara. She couldn’t hold back, instead she took the few steps that separated them and gently laid her hand on Kara’s shoulder, making her start and glance at her with startled blue eyes and Lena gave her a reassuring smile and gently guided her to sit on the couch.

Once seated Kara began to fidget with the hem of her shirt, taking a few deep breaths and deciding to just launch into it headfirst, get it all out and deal with the aftermath.

“When you came to my apartment a week ago because you hadn’t seen me in a month… that was because I was at the DEO recovering. I… This organization lured me into a trap with my friend. They wanted information and my blood… They wanted it because…” Kara trailed off and simply began to unbutton her shirt, only slightly using her super speed and pulling it open, revealing the crest on her chest. She couldn’t look at Lena, couldn’t see the anger or disappointment on her face, it wasn’t something Kara could handle right now. “They kept me there for 4 days…”

Kara told Lena everything, going into detail about the torture, how it had burned and made her want to die, how it had almost killed her. She told her everything, about Krypton and why she had been sent, about becoming Supergirl, about CADMUS and the DEO and that she was only able to be as good as she was with their help. How it had taken her a month to even go home and the bruises were only now just fading. When she finished Kara hung her head, a weight off her shoulders but her chest painfully tight, it felt like her ribs were too tight, squeezing her lungs making it hard to breath. Lena hadn’t said a word while she talked, had only listened, nodding and making a noise Kara couldn’t understand the meaning of. They sat in silence, Kara’s heart hammering in her chest and feeling like she’d just ruined whatever it was she had with Lena. Until Lena reached across the space that separated them and Kara jumped, when she took her hand, watery blue eyes snapping to green ones.

“Do you, do you want me to hold you?” Lena asked, her voice stilted and Kara knew it was because Lena was floundering, had no idea how to comfort someone when she’d never been comforted. Kara simply nodded and snuggled up against the other woman, tucking her face against her neck and getting as close as she possibly could. She was determined not to cry, not again. Lena held her tightly and carded her fingers through blonde hair, her own throat tight. She was struggling to process all that she’d been told.

She’d had her suspicions about Kara being Supergirl but never bothered to confirm them. If Kara was Supergirl she would tell her on her own time, it wasn’t something she could force. But to hear that she’d been captured and torture, actually physically tortured… it had been hard to hear and Lena couldn’t imagine what it had been like, didn’t want to imagine Kara broken and bleeding, alone and scared. She didn’t want to imagine Kara, a literal ray of sunshine and goodness being strapped down and screaming in agony.

Lena closed her eyes, holding Kara tighter to her, feeling a fierce protectiveness come over her. Lena knew then that whatever Kara felt, she would be there. She wanted to be there for her, wanted to help her get through the nightmares that surely plagued her, wanted to hold her when Kara was feeling sad, wanted to make her smile again, wanted to sit on the couch and watch movies with her and hold her hand. Kara was beginning to shake and Lena knew she needed to speak now.

“Kara.” She waited for Kara to look up, when she didn’t Lena gently used her index finger to tip her chin up and bring their eyes together. “Kara, I don’t have any grand sweeping speech for you, I just want you to know I’m here for you, however you need me. I want you to be happy, I want to hold you when you need to be held and I want to help you feel better, I want you to feel safe again and I’ll do anything you need me to for that to happen. You have me. For as long as you need and however you need. You have me.” A single tear slid down Kara’s cheek, and Lena wiped it away and smiled softly. “Even superheroes need saving sometimes.” Whatever she’d said, it seemed to be the magic word because Kara shifted, settling herself into Lena’s lap and wrapping her arms around her, holding as tightly as she safely could. (She must struggle, wanting to hold people so tightly but having to reign it in for fear of hurting them Lena mused.) Kara held on tightly and only sat up after fifteen minutes later, Lena’s hands slipping off her back where they’d been running up and down soothingly to rest on her hips.

“I’d… I’d like to kiss you.” Kara whispered. Lena felt her heart give a squeeze but before she could dwell on it Kara was speaking again. “I’d like to kiss you like I’ve wanted to for a while now. Because when CADMUS had me sometimes you were what got me through it and maybe it’s all wrong and a terrible time but I really don’t want to wait any longer to kiss you.”

Lena slid her hand up Kara’s body to cup her cheek, her thumb rubbing across her cheek bone, Kara closed her eyes and leaned into the touch. “You don’t have to.” She said softly, her heart pounding as blue eyes flicked back open, searching her own before Kara leaned forward, placing her hands against Lena’s shoulders to brace herself. She hesitated and Lena could feel her warm breath brushing across her lips.

“Are you sure?” Lena swallowed, wanting to press forward to kiss her, to say yes without words but she wanted to let Kara kiss her on her own terms so she simply hummed an affirmative. Kara didn’t wait to press their lips together, one hand trembling hands she brought it up to rest against the side of Lena’s neck. She kissed her softly, tenderly, her fingers flexing against Kara’s hips. It was gentle and loving and when Kara finally pulled back to nestle herself against Lena’s neck her breathing was calm and she seemed more relaxed than she had in a long time.

“You know, this is the safest and calmest I’ve felt since…” Kara trailed off and Lena knew what she’d been about to say.

“Well I’m pleased I can make you feel this way.” Lena replied, unable to coax the smile off her face. After a few more minutes of letting Kara snuggle into her Lena decided she couldn’t neglect her work any longer. “Kara, I need to finish the report for this quarter by tonight-“

“Oh sorry I’ll just” Kara got up, floating off Lena and settling herself on the other end of the couch.

“Kara you’re welcome to stay if you like, when I’m done I’d even like to take you to dinner, anywhere you want.” Lena offered, watching Kara perk up at the mention of food.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t be bothering you?”

“I think I can handle having my adorable girlfriend on the couch for a few hours.” Lena blushed, realizing as soon as she’d finished talking that she’d said girlfriend. She hadn’t meant to and she knew better than to assume, she’d said she’d be whatever Kara wanted and maybe that’s not what Kara wanted.

The blonde just smiled, a dreamy look in her eye. “Girlfriend. I like that.” Lena relaxed, for a moment having been so worried she’d already ruined whatever they had.

“If you need anything feel free to help yourself, there water over there and I’m not sure all what’s in the mini fridge but you’re welcome to it.” She stood and Kara rearranged herself into a more comfortable position on the couch. “Is it alright if I open the blinds?” Lena asked, waiting for Kara to nod before pressing the button. Once she had settled herself back behind her desk she couldn’t help but watch as Kara pulled out her phone, presumably to play some sort of game while she waited, the sunlight turning her blonde hair to woven gold and Lena wondered how anyone could ever hurt someone like Kara. She was strong beautiful and tried so hard to be good, did an amazing job of saving the citizens of National City. Lena shook her head to dismiss the thought but the smile stayed on her face for hours.

It didn’t take long for Kara to begin fidgeting, shifting and squirming around. Lena wasn’t sure if it was because Kara was bored or because she wasn’t comfortable. Lena didn’t remember Kara being fidgety but they’d never spent this much time around each other doing this little. Eventually it began to distract Lena so much so that she pushed some of her work aside with a sigh. “Kara.” She called, making her look up, looking so much like a confused puppy that Lena couldn’t help but smile. “Do you want to come over here and pull up a chair so I can pet your hair?” Kara grinned brightly and practically skipped over and instead of pulling up a chair she settled herself in Lena’s lap, her arms around Lena’s shoulders and her legs circled around Lena’s hips and the back of the chair.

At first Lena didn’t move, too startled but Kara nuzzled into her neck and breathed softly and evenly. After a few minutes and barely a twitch Lena simply sighed and pulled her papers closer, content to let Kara cling to her like a koala. The rest of the afternoon passed by in a hazy contented rush and Lena was half sure Kara had fallen asleep at some point. Jess barely even blinked when she came in and found them like that, simply told her that her evening meeting was cancelled and walked right back out.

It wasn’t till the evening when Lena had finished her work that Kara stirred, sitting up and letting out a yawn that sounded like it wouldn’t be out of place if it came out of a kitten. Lena smiled fondly and tucked an errant strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “Hey there you.” Kara smiled sleepily and leaned forward to press a sloppy kiss to her lips, undoubtedly smearing her lip stick (not that Lena cared)

Her stomach grumbled and Kara blushed pink, making Lena stifle a giggle. “Would you like to go get dinner?” Kara nodded and struggled to free herself from Lena’s desk chair, eventually managing it when Lena eventually just lifted Kara up with her hands under her thighs. Kara blushed pink once again but smiled and Lena was once again struck but how gorgeous she was. Lena shut her computer off and stood and took Kara’s hand, leading her out of the office.

“So what sounds good to you?” Lena asked.

“Pot stickers.” Kara replied, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Lena only laughed. Of course.


End file.
